Val's Tips for Teens is the personal blog of writer Val. It is decidedly NOT for teens. Enter at your own risk.

  • This struck the idiot chord with me.  Hence the excoriating rant and out of character post.

    I’m reading that teenagers across the country are playing something called "The Choking Game", where they strangle themselves until just before they lose consciousness in order to get high. 


    Val’s Tips for Teens is not usually for teens; the title came from when I *was* a teenager and would dispense well meaning tidbits of advice and silliness to my friends. It was also a way for me to externalize and relieve certain anxieties in a humorous fashion, i.e., “Val’s Tips for Teens #85: When sharks attack, go for the nose” or “Val’s Tips for Teens #37: Boys like juice”*.
    *Author’s note: both of the aforementioned ‘tips’ are exceedingly good advice.  Sharks are nose sensitive and boys do like juice*.  

    I’m not a teenager any longer and the content of Val’s Tips for Teens is frequently R-rated and unsuitable to fresh, young minds.   

    This time, however, my tip IS for teens and you better damn well listen because it is a very good piece of advice and VERY suitable to your young, malleable minds.  

    Val’s Tips for Teens #001, numero uno, prime directive, LISTEN GODDAMMIT:



    Read more after the jump:
    **If you’re a parent and reading this, there are links to more info re the choking game after the jump at the end of the post.**

    You’re too young to really know if it’s the adrenaline from the near-death experience or the effects of oxygen deprivation that is getting you high.  If being stupid gets you off, go rent “Jackass

    If you think you might be an adrenaline junkie, go volunteer in an emergency room.  Take up skydiving.  Do something that won’t result in you accidentally killing your idiot self in your damn bedroom where your little sister or your mom will find you hanging from your doorknob with a belt around your neck, fer crissakes.

    If you are one who is experimenting with different ways of getting high without drugs, try meditation or yoga.  Or astral projection. Don’t be a damned idiot, PLEASE.

    The moral is: DON’T PLAY THE CHOKING GAME.

    While one could argue for natural selection, these are kids - even worse, teenagers - we’re talking about and they just don’t know better (idiots); it’s our job to protect them until they are competent to make their own idiot choices by themselves. 

    Parents, if you see unexplained marks and bruises around the neck, bloodshot eyes, disorientation and notice and the presence of ropes, scarves or belts tied to bedroom furniture or doorknob, a number of things could be going on: you’re teen is getting beat up at school  or smoking pot or into some kinky shit.

    It may be that nothing is wrong and the kid is just doing some normal, healthy experimentation.

    It may not be the choking game but SOMETHING is going on with your kid, it’s up to you to talk to him or her about it.  

    Parents; as fully informed adults we can choose to engage in dangerous and risky behaviors such as auto-erotic asphyxiation (which the choking game is NOT, fyi) or illicit drug use.  I’m not judging adults for choices they make; I’m judging ill informed teenagers on adolescent choices they don’t even know that they will regret.  

    Is mass hysteria warranted? Probably not.  The Choking Game isn’t new, I vaguely remember some jerkoffs doing it when I was a young teenager.  Just spreading the word.  See the links below for some more information. 

    Parents Warn of Choking Game After Teen’s Death
    Doctor and Patient - Discovering Teenager’s Risky ‘Game’ Too Late
    G.A.S.P - Games Adolescents Shouldn’t Play
    Fainting Game - Wikipedia
    Choking Game Led to Teen’s Death on Bowflex